Squad Goals

Life is hard. Like really hard.

I mean I will be the first to say, life is so good, because of all the beauty in this world there is to experience, I mean there’s bacon, avocado, chocolate . . . I just had a life changingly-good brunch– breakfast tacos (I know!). There are a lot of great things besides food, like puppies, sunsets, oranges–oops, more food. . . .

Life can definitely be hard (despite breakfast tacos). About seven months ago, I was getting ready to go on a date with someone I was genuinely very interested in who made me weak at the knees. On the outside, I’m fuck yeah, I’m awesome, strut this stuff . . . but on the inside I’m like holy-shit-do-I-have-something-in-my-teeth and be excited-but-not-desparate-crap-I’m-totally-way-to-excited-be cool-gosh! I remember getting ready for my date with the required 19 outfit changes and 37 mirror checks, and being like I don’t think I can take anymore rejection. I felt like my heart would cave in, and that would be that, no more heart and no more hope.

I went on the date. I’ll be honest, the date was a bit bizarre . . . do you want to hear about it? Of course, you do!

So my date who I will call Boy-Jerk asks me out on a date late at night over social media (first red flag– now I know.) He says he’s going to be gone for a week and I’m like, well you got my number, call me. Boy-Jerk returns and silence. After having the usual 100 mile an hour spastic girl questions wizing around in my head like a game of quidditch, which can be summed as “I’m so confused,” I text Boy-Jerk and ask if we’re doing this date thing. (I didn’t use those exact words . . . I’m not completely retarded . . kinda.) He’s like yeah. And I’m like cool.

So we meet up at church, go to the service, and then he says he wants to talk to his friends. At the time, I don’t really know anyone, but I’m like, well here goes making friends to avoid being awkward. While I was talking to my new “best” friend (we actually are good friends now), Boy-Jerk tells me a mutual friend who we’ll call Boy-Oblivious is going to lunch with us and Boy-Oblivious wants to go to Noodles and Company (which by the way is the “Company”referring to the sauces and other stuff on the noodles . . . like I’ll have the #5 with a whole company of parmesan chicken? Just wondering.)

Anyway, I’m like oh-kay. I was pissed– I thought you were going on a date with me– but smeared my face with a big ol’ smile. Long story short, after missing the turn I almost just went home, but decided to go on the date anyway. I’m like maybe Boy-Jerk is just an idiot. . . . an attractive idiot, but an idiot. I sit for most of the date while Boy-Jerk and Boy-Oblivious bro-mance over working out, and other masculine fueled hobbies. At one point, Boy-Oblivious is like, “Hey, Kristen. . .” and asks me a question. And Boy-Jerk literally say “oh, yeah” like he forgot I was there.

Despite all this, after a parking lot chat with Boy-Jerk I was still a little twitter-pated, but then I totally got ghosted. Boy-Jerk and I are friends now so we’ll just call him Boy. (And Boy, if you by chance are reading this . . . it’s okay . . . we be friends. Thanks for the funny dating disaster story.)

 I was disappointed, but my heart did not cave in, and really a big part of that is because of my friends. I had a lot of “he be stuuupid” and “Kristen you’re great’s” and honestly, hanging out with my friends and having fun with them made the pain and disappointment disappear. My heart did not cave in.

I have this friend named Amanda (she’s SO cool), and she has this great ability to help me laugh at the drama in my life. I have many a time called her with that gut-wrenching  feeling of like “wow this is the end of the world” and by the end I’m thinking about the same situtaion with the attitude of “Life is funny. What an adventure!” Amanda and I tend to just have a lot of adventure together anyway, like not being able to find the Disneyland parking lot we parked in and sleeping in IHOP because we have searched for it all night and literally can’t find it. She was also the one who I was with when we both had the idea to try crawfish for the first time. We had no idea what we were getting ourselves into when we ordered a whole basket-full each of sea cockroaches. (If you know how to eat these things and want to teach me . . . I’m open to it, maybe.)

I wouldn’t be the person I am today, nor have gotten through life, and had so much fun without my squad of guy and girl friends. I love you all. . . .

A week or so ago, I found the song “Here’s to Us” by Halestorm and was reminded of all the lovely people I have in my life and how we are all in this together. If you have your squad, text them and let them know that they mean something to you. If you feel like you don’t have a squad, don’t worry, you will find them. It may take time (it certainly did for me. Let me tell you about high school . . . ), but they are out there. You are not alone, the human experience can make us feel like we are the only ones, but there are a whole lot of other people going through the same thing wondering if they are the only ones. Be brave. Reach out, share with those who’ve earned the right to hear your story.

And so I say to all my friends, family, to you . . . I feel so lucky to have you in my life. Thanks for whispering words of love and encouragement when I’m down and feeling like I can’t go on. Thank you for speaking truth and calling me on my bullshit. Thanks for loving who I am, rough edges and all, and for laughing at my dumb jokes and puns. I love you guys and Life, you’re not taking us down . . .  here’s to us.


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